Part of B's birthday present for me was he bought tickets for Pam and I to go see the new Twilight movie, New Moon. She was the perfect person to go to see this movie with because we both approach the series from the same way, we love it but we also love to mock it. We don't take it seriously in the least bit. That said, we both wanted to see the movie and be able to talk about it and not just say, defend it from a husband who thinks the whole thing is stupid.
So there we went and we got some Indian food first and had a grand old time.
Warning: the rest of this post is about the movie so don't read if say, you could care less. :-)
Twilight: New Moon opened to a record box office and it isn't just because tweens are going in droves to see it. The cougars make up a huge percentage of the box office and the showing that we went to was high on cougar, less on the teens. That meant we only had to move our seats once to avoid the chatty teens behind us so we could concentrate on the stunning dialog shirtless abs.
Seriously, this movie is all about the exploitation of the male body. It is so refreshing to not have the female characters sexually objectified for a change. Seriously, this movie was the Playgirl of pop cinema. Nothing but cougars, sex obsessed but naive tweens, and gay or closeted men.
First off, there is Robert Pattinson as Edward. He was relatively unknown before the first Twilight movie and is now being chased by hoards of horny teens every time he tries to leave his home. Then there is Taylor Lautner as Jacob. The actor had to gain 35 pounds of muscle for the role and basically has his shirt off in every scene he is in, which is most of the movie. Sometimes it is raining. These are the men who comprise 2/3 of the love triangle in the book series and in the movie so add to the fact that these are the teen beat cover boys of a new generation and you have basically a "boy-toy off" throughout the movie.
I am sorry to tell you that Taylor Lautner is only 17 years old which makes me a very dirty old lady. He is, quite simply, scrumptious! I have never seen a more beautiful man, er boy, on screen in my entire life. When it was finally time for Pattinson to show his goods, by taking off his shirt to reveal his sparkliness in the sun, it is done like an episode of Baywatch. Everything becomes slow motion as he strips his shirt off smoldering before stepping into the sun to sparkle.
It was then that Pam leaned over and said, "Look at his thin scrawny hips and weird nipples." I had to agree about the nipples. Seriously, he is no Lautner.
I honestly think they should have renamed this Twilight: The Beefcake Saga.
Anyway, the movie was stupid as all hell and we laughed at a lot of parts that I think were supposed to be serious but we had a great time and came home and googled info on Lautner where we learned the horrendous truth, that it was quite simply wrong, and potentially a felony, to think of him anything other than a fraternal bond.
The funny thing is that when I read the series, I was very firmly on the Edward camp but the movies don't play that way at all. The movies really make Bella's preference for Edward a mystery. He is kind of cold and removed, controlling, and he doesn't really communicate well with her. Plus, the scrawny hips? Jacob is the way to go. He is sweet, communicative, isn't constantly trying not to kill her, and well....hot!
My review? Two cougar paws way up!
Meanwhile, enjoy this tidbit I got from Funny or Die, it answers that question of how vampires can date the ladies when aunt flow comes to town. I tried to embed the video but can't figure out what is going wrong. Until then, just go to this link to watch it, it is very funny. The last line slays me.